WARNING: This recipe is for serious chocolate lovers only.
One of my BFF’s, E (not to be confused with C), and I were reminiscing over lunch on the good ol’ days of middle school. TBH there’s a lot to cringe at when we think back to our pubescent years… the low-rider sweatpants, the tiny Coach purses, getting excommunicated from our lunch table for wearing an ugly shirt (to be fair, it was a REALLY ugly shirt but my mom wouldn’t let me buy Abercrombie okay?!), the unbelievably painful interactions with boys, and we shouldn’t breeze by my shining gym class moment—the one time, ONE SINGLE TIME, I hit the softball, only to, bursting with excitement, throw the bat (hard) into the legs of our paraplegic catcher and then proceed to run the bases backward. Perhaps the best part was that our gym teacher felt so bad for me that he let me keep my hit. Quick reminder—there is also a significantly injured (at my hands) paraplegic classmate in the picture who didn’t quite muster the same level of sympathy.
Not only did he let me keep my hit, he let me stay on third base.
Don’t worry though, I was tagged out before scoring a run.
… I made a lot of friends that day.
ANYWAY back to the glory of middle school. Transitioning from boys and girls to men and women. Getting our periods and dropping our balls (get your mind out of the gutter, I’m referring to middle school Grit in gym class). Taking our first steps into adulthood. And getting to choose what we eat at lunch instead of getting the standardized lunch meals of elementary school past.
In retrospect, I really see where the push for healthier school lunches came from. E and I were very consistent in our choices. A balanced diet of Gatorade, chicken poppers, sour patch kids, and hostess cupcakes.
Ah yes, THE HOSTESS CUPCAKES.
I grew up in a healthy-ish household. My pops in particular would have to be blind and bound before letting anything Hostess into our cupboards. But at school, he had no domain over my hydrogenated oil consumption, and I leveraged this to its maximum capacity.
Flash forward to my lunch with E. After we finished our tacos and our trip down memory lane, I hit the kitchen with a mission. A Hostess cupcake mission.
Look man, I still love the baked goods from middle school past. But traditional baked goods just don’t love me back. Thanks in part to my severely damaged metabolism, the high sugar and carb levels lead me to sugar crashes and serious mood swings. My face breaks out. My inner Mariah Carrey breaks out. It’s just… it’s not good for anyone involved.
So born of my Hostess mission is a healthy look-a-like. A Faux-stess if you will (okay I’m sorry). A breakfast-friendly, sugar-less, chocolate packed, paleo, keto (3 net carb!), Hostess look-a-like to itch a scratch that would make the 13-year-old versions of us proud.
I love starting my day with these fatty muffins because 1) Chocolate + Coffee = DUH and 2) The fat really preps my day for a full day of digestion. TBH I wasn’t going to post these bad boys for awhile, but I brought these to a work event and so many people asked for the recipe that I decided just to save myself the emails and post it. So by popular demand (MAN I’ve always wanted to say that!) my Faux Hostess Chocolate Coconut Cupcake:
Faux-Hostess Chocolate Coconut Cupcakes
Ingredients
Chocolate Cupcake
- 1 cup almond flour
- 1/8 cup coconut flour
- 2 tbsp protein (I used chocolate Tera’s Whey)
- 1 tsp baking powder
- 1/4 tsp baking soda
- 4 tbsp cacao powder (or cocoa powder)
- 1/4 tsp xanthan gum
- 1/2 cup pumpkin (or mashed banana if you want some sweetness)
- 2 eggs
- 2 tbsp ghee (melted)
- 1/8 cup coconut oil (liquid)
- 1/3 cup almond milk
Coconut Cream Filling
- 2 tbsp coconut butter
- 1 tsp almond milk
- 1/2 cup shredded unsweetened coconut
- 1/4 tsp almond extract
Instructions
Coconut Cream Filling
- Combine all ingredients and mix well. It should have a consistency similar to play dough 🙂 Set aside while you make the cupcakes.
Chocolate Cupcake
- Grease or line your muffin tin and preheat your oven to 400F.
- Combine your dry ingredients in a large bowl.
- Separate your egg whites and yokes. In a medium bowl, combine egg yokes, pumpkin (or mashed banana), ghee, coconut oil, and milk.
- Whip your egg whites until they form a firm peak.
- Pour your wet ingredients into your dry ingredients and mix well. Fold in your egg whites.
- Separate your batter into two halves. Fill your cupcake tin half full with the first half of the batter. On top of your half full muffin tins, place approx one rounded heaping tsp of Coconut Cream filling. Cover filling with the second half of batter.
- Bake for 15-20 minutes at 400F. Take cupcakes out when a toothpick comes out clean. Top with melted chocolate if you wish (you do) and store in fridge.