Grit By Name and By Nature

Archives for February 2019

An intro to my first (!!!) fitness series: Plant.

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If you can find fifteen dollars and fifteen minutes, then you can find fitness.

This series was inspired by a recent experience at my gym. The other day, a nice older fellow came up to me and asked what kind of athlete I was. I, of course, panicked and blurted out “I’m an engineer” (sometimes that social stigma does, in fact, come in handy) to which he muttered some niceties and slowly backed away.

Yeah, I could have handled that situation better, but me? Athlete? The concept is so foreign. Because I am definitely not, nor have I ever been, an athlete. In second grade, my parents tried enrolling me in sports. I played soccer in a local league. But they promptly stopped paying for my participation after I started using game time to practice eating grass in case of a Middle Eastern invasion (it was 2001, okay?) instead of kicking goals (scores? touchdowns?) or defending opponents (foes? tangos?). And during the football unit in gym class (and most other units tbh), the guys would yell at me saying that I needed to “actually move” in order to participate in the game.

I liked choir. I liked theater. I liked reading. I liked math. I did not like sports.

When I decided I wanted to give a go at “working out,” I had ABSOLUTELY NO CLUE as to what I was doing. First, I sold my soul to my Wii Fit (#MEMZ). That transitioned to home workout videos, running on treadmills, and going to gyms to do approximately one hundred crunches and one hundred 5lb bicep curls. Occasionally I’d throw in a new move, like bench press or row, and then proceed to do that ~100 times with a 5lb weight. My body wasn’t changing except for maybe getting smaller and I was definitely way too afraid of the machines and the heavier weights to change that.

I swore I was never go to post any of these photos and yet here we are, folks. This is what too much cardio and a whole lot of clueless looks like.

About three years ago, I decided to get serious about getting stronger. I was eating more food and had the energy to really put on some muscle, but I had no idea where to start. I followed fitness influencers, but the concept of lifting weights in front of 100 expert strangers at a gym terrified me.

I wasn’t a gymnast in high school. I didn’t take weight lifting classes in college (puke), and I had no idea if I even had muscles under my skin. If I could have afforded a trainer, that would have been GREAT. But I couldn’t, and honestly, even if I could, I probably wouldn’t have known how to find one or have had the confidence to show up.

I tried a lot of things and wasted a lot of time and money before I eventually found some things that 1.) stuck and 2.) were effective. I eventually got myself into the weight room but jumping head first into an expensive gym membership led to a lot of let downs and feelings of failure.

So if you’re just starting your fitness journey, or if you’re looking to get stronger but don’t know how, this series will detail how we can all go from feeling clueless to feeling comfortable and cool, and the lessons I learned through trial and error. Best part? You can get started in 15 minutes for 15 dollars in the comfort of your home. Plus, I’ll be here for you every step of the way to provide accountability, guidance, support, and tasty treats to fuel your sweaty sessions 😊.

Now really quick, before we jump in, I want the intention of this series to be crystal clear. It is how to gradually strengthen your muscles up by integrating workouts into active living to set yourself up for training for life. This is for those of you who want to feel more firmly planted–in yourself, in your strength, and in your confidence. We will get stronger, and GROW: grow your capabilities, your muscles, and your confidence. You may lose weight and you may gain weight. But this is NOT a weight loss guide. 

I spent a lot of years trying to lose weight. But here’s the thing about weight loss: it’s never enough. If I dropped 5lbs, then I’d want to drop 10lb. My workouts left me weak instead of energized and strong.

If you’re trying to lose weight, I challenge you to ask yourself “why”. Because when I started reflecting on that question, I realized that what I was really pursuing was self-confidence and feeling healthful. And no number of pounds shed or cookies declined could bring me those things. But the first time I did 10 pull-ups at the gym? Finally nailing a pistol squat? My first sub 21-minute 5k? Now THAT made me feel cool and more importantly, it made me proud. And if I could get there, then anyone can.

So let’s make ourselves proud, shall we? 😊

Head back to the Plant. Landing Page to get started!

Faux-Hostess Chocolate Coconut Cupcakes (Paleo, Keto, Grain-free, Gluten-free)

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WARNING: This recipe is for serious chocolate lovers only.

One of my BFF’s, E (not to be confused with C), and I were reminiscing over lunch on the good ol’ days of middle school. TBH there’s a lot to cringe at when we think back to our pubescent years… the low-rider sweatpants, the tiny Coach purses, getting excommunicated from our lunch table for wearing an ugly shirt (to be fair, it was a REALLY ugly shirt but my mom wouldn’t let me buy Abercrombie okay?!), the unbelievably painful interactions with boys, and we shouldn’t breeze by my shining gym class moment—the one time, ONE SINGLE TIME, I hit the softball, only to, bursting with excitement, throw the bat (hard) into the legs of our paraplegic catcher and then proceed to run the bases backward. Perhaps the best part was that our gym teacher felt so bad for me that he let me keep my hit. Quick reminder—there is also a significantly injured (at my hands) paraplegic classmate in the picture who didn’t quite muster the same level of sympathy.

Not only did he let me keep my hit, he let me stay on third base.

Don’t worry though, I was tagged out before scoring a run.

… I made a lot of friends that day.

ANYWAY back to the glory of middle school. Transitioning from boys and girls to men and women. Getting our periods and dropping our balls (get your mind out of the gutter, I’m referring to middle school Grit in gym class). Taking our first steps into adulthood.  And getting to choose what we eat at lunch instead of getting the standardized lunch meals of elementary school past.

In retrospect, I really see where the push for healthier school lunches came from. E and I were very consistent in our choices. A balanced diet of Gatorade, chicken poppers, sour patch kids, and hostess cupcakes.

Ah yes, THE HOSTESS CUPCAKES.

Related image

I grew up in a healthy-ish household. My pops in particular would have to be blind and bound before letting anything Hostess into our cupboards. But at school, he had no domain over my hydrogenated oil consumption, and I leveraged this to its maximum capacity.

Flash forward to my lunch with E. After we finished our tacos and our trip down memory lane, I hit the kitchen with a mission. A Hostess cupcake mission.

Look man, I still love the baked goods from middle school past. But traditional baked goods just don’t love me back. Thanks in part to my severely damaged metabolism, the high sugar and carb levels lead me to sugar crashes and serious mood swings. My face breaks out. My inner Mariah Carrey breaks out. It’s just… it’s not good for anyone involved.

So born of my Hostess mission is a healthy look-a-like. A Faux-stess if you will (okay I’m sorry).  A breakfast-friendly, sugar-less, chocolate packed, paleo, keto (3 net carb!), Hostess look-a-like to itch a scratch that would make the 13-year-old versions of us proud.

I love starting my day with these fatty muffins because 1) Chocolate + Coffee = DUH and 2) The fat really preps my day for a full day of digestion. TBH I wasn’t going to post these bad boys for awhile, but I brought these to a work event and so many people asked for the recipe that I decided just to save myself the emails and post it. So by popular demand (MAN I’ve always wanted to say that!) my Faux Hostess Chocolate Coconut Cupcake:

Faux-Hostess Chocolate Coconut Cupcakes

Paleo, Keto, Grain-free, Gluten-free, Low carb
Print Recipe Pin Recipe
Prep Time 10 mins
Cook Time 20 mins
Total Time 30 mins
Course Breakfast, Dessert
Cuisine American
Servings 12 cupcakes

Ingredients
  

Chocolate Cupcake

  • 1 cup almond flour
  • 1/8 cup coconut flour
  • 2 tbsp protein (I used chocolate Tera’s Whey)
  • 1 tsp baking powder
  • 1/4 tsp baking soda
  • 4 tbsp cacao powder (or cocoa powder)
  • 1/4 tsp xanthan gum
  • 1/2 cup pumpkin (or mashed banana if you want some sweetness)
  • 2 eggs
  • 2 tbsp ghee (melted)
  • 1/8 cup coconut oil (liquid)
  • 1/3 cup almond milk

Coconut Cream Filling

  • 2 tbsp coconut butter
  • 1 tsp almond milk
  • 1/2 cup shredded unsweetened coconut
  • 1/4 tsp almond extract

Instructions
 

Coconut Cream Filling

  • Combine all ingredients and mix well. It should have a consistency similar to play dough 🙂 Set aside while you make the cupcakes.

Chocolate Cupcake

  • Grease or line your muffin tin and preheat your oven to 400F. 
  • Combine your dry ingredients in a large bowl.
  • Separate your egg whites and yokes. In a medium bowl, combine egg yokes, pumpkin (or mashed banana), ghee, coconut oil, and milk.
  • Whip your egg whites until they form a firm peak.
  • Pour your wet ingredients into your dry ingredients and mix well. Fold in your egg whites.
  • Separate your batter into two halves. Fill your cupcake tin half full with the first half of the batter. On top of your half full muffin tins, place approx one rounded heaping tsp of Coconut Cream filling. Cover filling with the second half of batter.
  • Bake for 15-20 minutes at 400F. Take cupcakes out when a toothpick comes out clean. Top with melted chocolate if you wish (you do) and store in fridge.

Notes

I ALWAYS top my muffins with a little melted chocolate. I made the curlies on these guys with leftover frosting but LETS BE REAL I did it for the gram and don’t do it when I’m baking these for every day life (though it is pretty darn cute, huh?)
 
Full disclaimer, I live in a shit apartment with a shit oven. When I preheat my oven to 350F, I preheat my kitchen to 350F. Take all my baking times with a grain of salt!
Keyword chocolate, coconut, cupcake, dessert, gluten-free, grain-free, healthy, Hostess, keto, muffin, paleo

Are you there hormones? It’s me Grit.

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Hormones, man. *Shudder*

Does anyone have balanced hormones in this day and age? It seems like every Instagram influencer, every food blogger, and every fitness phenomenon has come forward professing their struggles with  balancing hormone levels. And I mean, IT’S ABOUT TIME.

As a woman, our hormones are designed to save us. From life or death situations. Like surviving a famine. Or running from a lion. Things that we were subject to literally thousands of years ago.

Um hello hormones, excuse me, but we haven’t been chased by a lion for a few days now (about 730,000 days but really, who’s counting). Can you PLEASE work with us here and adapt a bit?

Our lives have changed greatly since the days of hunters and gatherers, but unfortunately, our hormonal responses to stressors have not. What does this mean for women in today’s world? Picture an angry cat sitting in front of a glass of water. The world is the cat. Our hormones are the water glass. I think you know where this is going.

High stress levels have been linked to several hormonal disorders, such as Graves disease, diabetes, and hypothyroidism. It’s even been shown that when kids are exposed to excessive stress, they experience stunted physical development due to low levels of growth hormone, even when receiving adequate calories and nutrition.

Unfortunately, the things that are so highly celebrated in today’s society–busy schedules, trendy diets, insane careers, thin figures, extreme sports–are the very things that are feeding the angry cat. And let me tell ya, my pissed off cat is #PHAT.

I really wreaked havoc on my hormones through years and years of disordered eating. Then I fixed my eating but continued to abuse my hormones with excessive exercise. Then I fixed that and decided to work myself to death. And when your body feels like it’s starving or under attack, it starts to adjust by shifting hormonal production and shutting down nonessential functions. My period was one of the first things to go.

I finally pulled myself out of the binge, restrict, and over exercise cycle that was controlling my life and started to get regular periods with the help of naturopath. The naturopath cost me one very, very pretty penny, but it was worth it to feel good without medication and to restore my body’s ability to menstruate. I felt so proud the first time I achieved a 4-ish week cycle. High-five, uterus.

Then something terrible happened. I went through a three-month-ish period at work that was incredibly stressful. Because I’m in the construction industry, deadlines are VERY real. I’ll spare you the details, but to summarize, I was working 7 days a week for at least 10 hours a day. At first my cycle slowed by about two weeks. Then I lost it completely. I was devastated.

So many things are wrong with this. How is it fair that men can work all hours of the day and be FINE, and yet when we try to push our limits, we lose the key bodily function that scientifically defines us as female? *sigh* The workplace needs to adjust for the (much needed) influx of women but until that happens, we need to be prepared for when we go into a hormonal crisis. Because all that money and time that I invested into getting my period back was ruined by the very thing that funded that healing journey. We can’t win, people. We just can’t win.

So lets talk strategy. When I go into hormonal crisis mode, I give myself a week-long bear hug that I like to call Grit’s Great Hormonal Retreat. This is a 7-10 day restorative “retreat”. In my apartment. Where I still go to work. (Hey we can’t all afford to go to the Malibu Healing Center ammirite??) By following the simple steps below, you can consciously lower stress levels by giving yourself some extra care and grace.

  • Swap out your strenuous workouts

Its going to be key to cut stress out of your schedule as much as possible, and one form of stress is physical stress from exercise. If you’re like me and you truly love your workouts, you don’t need to cut them out entirely. Maybe swap out your jog for a walk or your kickboxing class for some restorative yoga. Drop your weights, take off your Fitbit, and exhale.

  • Prioritize sleep

If your hormones are out of balance, then your body needs to heal. If your body needs to heal, then you need to sleep. It’s that simple. If you’re not sleeping, you’re not healing. Maybe talk to your boss about coming in later for a week in the morning so you can wake up naturally. Or take melatonin early in the evening so you can get to sleep earlier. I can’t stress enough that during this week, you need to make sleep your number 1 priority.

  • Eat more food

In order to heal, your body also need some extra high-grade fuel. During this week really focus on filling your body up with some extra foods that make it smile. Avoid processed foods and sugars. I like to keep it simple during this week by making things like fatty smoothies or whole grain pasta and veggies [click through my recipes for some more meal ideas!]. By filling your body during this time, you’re giving it the chance to catch up to its optimally performing state.

  • Add adaptogens into your routine

Adaptogens are like magical plants that help your body cope with stress. They’re all a little bit different so depending on what your situation is, you may want to switch up which adaptogen you are taking (Mind Body Green has a great article on adaptogens here.) My personal favorite is ashwagandha and I take it for both work stress and thyroid issues. When I am really undergoing a stressful time at work, I’ll add CBD oil into my routine too.

  • Treat yo’self

No sugar coating here… when your hormones are out of whack, you feel like shit. You’re depressed, anxious, lethargic, and simple things like brushing your teeth sound like a lot of work. Plan a treat or two to bring some joy into your life. Meet your gal pals at your favorite restaurant, buy yourself a new pair of shoes, go see a funny movie, get a fancy facemask and a bottle of wine, or spend an afternoon baking. The options are endless. Just pick something that brings you joy and schedule in some time for it.

  • If you can afford it, go to a naturopath. If you can’t, do a biometric screening.

I would recommend anyone having hormones issues go see a natural path because I had really bad luck with traditional western medicine. They can really help you identify what’s causing the hormonal balance and provide you with appropriate tools to fix it. Of course, I know that’s a luxury and not everyone can afford/has access to naturopathic doctors, so as an alternative, you can go to your primary care doctor and ask for a biometric screening. They are typically considered preventative care and covered by insurance. You’ll get a series of indicators of health that can help you pin point what’s going on with your hormones. Your doctor will be able to help you decipher a lot of what’s going on, but make sure you do your own research too. I found out that my liver was really suffering, and I was able to target that with supplements and diet changes. It made a big difference and it cost me zero money. Did I have to do some of the leg work myself? Yes, I did. But it was worth it.

A hormonal retreat isn’t going to heal all your hormonal issues, but it will give your body the chance to reverse some of the damage done to the body by life’s day to day stressors. As a woman in the workplace, the cards are stacked against us. The least we can do is give ourselves a little bit of a break and some extra lovin’ so we can get right back to being the badass business powerhouses that we know we can be 😊

Flamin’ Hot Mac n Cheetos (paleo, grain-free, gluten-free, gut-friendly)

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C and I live by one of the trendiest restaurants in all of El Lay but because of it’s proximity to our home, we often take it for granted. It’s not until we run into a stranger from out of state who has made the perilous trek from their posh Malibu Airbnb to the mysterious and edgy world of Long Beach just to eat at this hyper trendy converted bungalow that we are reminded of its undeniable appeal to the youths.

The popularity of this place never ceases to amaze us. 3PM on a Tuesday? There’s a line out the door. Want dinner on a Saturday? You better book it now and expect to wait months. There’s a constant stream of influencers setting up their tripods across the street and herds of 30-year-old men with beards sipping on absinthe and discussing women’s rights.

Image result for the attic long beach california

Look, it’s a great place.

You may think that the adorable converted bungalow setting is what put this place on the map. Or maybe the seasonal menu or local ingredients, perhaps the constant stream of press coverage?

But no.

It was the Flamin’ Hot Mac and Cheetos. Pictured below.

Mac-N-Cheetos-The-Attic

If you have both eyes and taste buds, I don’t think any further explanation is needed.

Now imagine, if you will, that you live a stone throw away from this edible work of art. It’s dangerous. Walking past it is a risk that C and I take almost every day. But because we are broke, because we don’t have a couple hours to wait for a table, and because we value the health of our arteries, we resist. But it doesn’t mean that we aren’t reminded of that delectable flamin’ hot mac and Cheetos dish every time we pass the bungalow, and it certainly doesn’t mean that our heart doesn’t yearn for the unbelievable combination of creamy cheesy pasta and spicy Cheeto crunch.

So in an attempt to save our pocketbooks and our heart health, I devised a grain-free, gluten-free, paleo version of the dish that C and I can indulge in without taunting the Crohn’s Gods or handing our pocketbooks over to waiters with amazingly tall hair and amazingly terrible attitudes.

The sauce is made with cultured cottage cheese and a splash of almond milk for blending.  That means its far easier on the tummy than your traditional cheese sauce and far higher in protein.

To paint you a picture, a typical cheddar cheese sauce comes in at 253 calories, with 18 g of fat and 9.6 g of protein. The cheese sauce pictured below is equally delicious at less than half the calories, a whopping 1.5 g of fat and almost 20 grams of protein.

Perhaps the best part of this dish is it’s super quick to whip up. By the time the pasta is cooked, the sauce is done and ready, making this a 10-minute, low-carb, high protein dinner. What’s not to love?! Give er a try, you won’t be disappointed.

Flamin’ Hot Mac n Cheetos

Paleo, Grain-free, Gluten-free Gut-friendly
Print Recipe Pin Recipe
Prep Time 10 mins
Total Time 10 mins
Course dinner, lunch
Cuisine American, Italian
Servings 4 people

Ingredients
  

  • 1 cup Good Culture cottage cheese (or sub your fav cottage cheese!)
  • 4 tbsp almond milk
  • 2 tbsp nutritional yeast
  • 1/2 tsp onion powder
  • 1 tsp salt (or more to taste)
  • 1/4 tsp cumin
  • 1 pinch garlic powder
  • 1 tsp ground pepper (optional)
  • 5-6 green onion (chopped)
  • 1 box Banza Pasta
  • Fuego Siete Chips (for topping)

Instructions
 

  • Cook pasta per instructions on the box (9-11 minutes in boiling water) 
  • While pasta is cooking, place the cottage cheese, almond milk, nutritional yeast, onion powder, salt, cumin, garlic powder, and onion in the blender. Blend until smooth.
  • Option to warm sauce up on stove (usually, if my pasta is hot, I just pour it directly on the pasta from the blender, but if I’m eating leftover pasta, I heat the sauce up first). Warm on low heat and keep your eyes on it… it heats very fast and if it’s overheated, the sauce can separate (which is no big deal, just stir and let cool a bit). 
  • Pour sauce over pasta. Top with green onion and crushed Siete Chips before serving. 

Notes

Pro tip: Sometimes Chris and I will throw in some carnitas or barbacoa… SO GOOD.
Keyword comfort food, easy dinner, gluten-free, grain-free, mac and cheese, paleo, pasta, quick

How I leveraged my sweet tooth to get a six-pack

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Alright TBH it’s more of a 4.5 pack but that title is sexy click bait, ammirite??

Okay now that’s I’ve gotten that off my chest, let’s talk sweet tooth.

I have a sweet tooth. Actually, I think most of my teeth are of the sweet variety. I’ve fought it and I’ve fed it. I’ve faked it and I’ve forced it. I’ve denied it and lost a ton of weight. I’ve denied it and blown up like a balloon. I’ve indulged it and crashed into a deep dark energy-less despair. I’ve simply “gone with it” and watched my health deteriorate. I’ve cut it off completely and lost my period.

FINALLY, I looked that evil sugar in the eye, and I said to it, “Sugar, there’s only room for one of us in this town.” We both drew our guns and took three steps back…

I kid I kid I kid. That didn’t happen. (I had you going though, didn’t I?) I didn’t do that. I finally gave into my body. I embraced that inflammatory, addictive and publicly shamed ingredient that my body asked for so often. And I didn’t die. I didn’t get diabetes. Actually, my blood sugar levels stabilized. My cycle became more regular. And I shit you not, my body went from kinda-fit to #strong.

So below is the story of how I went from using and abusing sugar to embracing that sweet tooth to feed my muscles, my hormones, and my brain.

Sugar and I have had a turbulent relationship to say the least. It is the Liam to my Miley. The Rachel to my Ross.

I’m a child of the 90s. Growing up, I idolized Britney Spears, I wept over the death of my Tamagotchi, and I way overconsumed sugary beverages and foods. It didn’t outwardly impact my health, plus it was how everyone else was eating. But of course, I was developing an addiction.

Fast forward to the 2000’s. Britney Spears no longer has hair on her head and instead of shaking Tamagotchi pets, we’re chatting up cute boys on AIM. The thin ideal during this time was REAL, as was low-fat “diet” foods, artificial sweeteners, and “slimming” supplements. Desperately trying to look like Nicole Richie, I dug into these diet foods with reckless abandonment. Instead of eating a tablespoon of real sugar, I ate endless amounts of sugar shaped plastic (aka Splenda). There were maybe a few vegetables mixed in there, but it was mostly plastic.

It was in college when I really began to use and abuse sugar. Enter vodka. Everyone knows that alcohol breaks down into sugar, right? And what did I mix with that sugar? More sugar. And what did I eat in the morning to deal with the hangover? Sugar. And then in the afternoon when my blood sugar was crashing into a deep dark despair? Yep, more sugar. Some other carbs too. Sugar transportation carbs.

After a few weeks of feeling terrible, I’d give it up and eat nothing but carrots and protein shakes. But sugar was my lover, and you know what happens when you spend time away from your lover… I’d fall right back into the arms of my boo, with even more vigor and passion than before.

Needless to say, this left me feeling like crap. My weight fluctuated +/-30lbs at a time, which is a lot when you’re 5’ 4”. When I entered the workforce, I was swinging from one diet to the next, feeling bloated, lethargic, and terrible about myself.

When C and I started eating healthier after his hospital scare with Crohn’s (see that story here) we decided to attempt to give up sugar for good. We bought a sugar-detox program and I followed that thing to a T. It promised me that at the end of the 8-week program, I would be free of all my sugar cravings. For 8-weeks I ate ZERO sugar (with the exception of a select varieties of berries). I ate a lot of fat and a lot of protein. I lost a lot of weight. At first, I felt ill. Ill as in the flu, not the #hahstag. Then I felt great. Like a rockstar. Tons of energy, sleeping great. I felt supercharged.

But that’s where things really took a turn for the worse. After the first few weeks, my period screeched to a halt. My moods were up and down. My acne was out of control. And worst of all, after the 8-weeks ended, I still craved sugar! But now I had associated serious feelings of guilt with it and tied moral value to its consumption.  I had 100% transferred my obsessive control over by body size to obsessive control over my sugar consumption. Still disordered eating. Just a different form of disordered eating.

Look, it’s not cute, but you get the point. By body was STRESSED, inside and out.

This time around, it didn’t take me 10 years to acknowledge my problem. With the help of some reflection and some thoughtful discussions with C, I decided to introduce sugar back into my diet.

I shut out all voices that were trying to convince me of the evils of sugar and tuned into my body instead. Rather than fighting my sweet tooth with all my might and then binging on an entire package of Oreos, I made my own sweets where I could control the amount and the type of sugar used. I got creative with some of my favorite recipes, adding fats and reducing carbs to create treats that weren’t harmful to my energy levels but fulfilled my sweet cravings.

Basically, I just ate a like sane normal person who ate the things they wanted to eat (what a revolutionary concept, right?!)

And then slowly my body changed. I noticed I had way more motivation to get to the gym. And at the gym, I had way more energy. My muscles grew in a way that they’ve never grown before (I’m not sure if it was from the added carbs or the increased energy). For the first time in my entire life, I started to see definition in my abs and in my thighs. Amazingly, my period came back and for the first time EVER it became somewhat regular. My acne faded (though let’s be real, it still has a mind of its own) and I began sleeping better.

All because I started listening to my body instead of listening to the internet.

Friends, if you get one takeaway from this blog, let it be this: You need to listen to your body. It is not trying to fool you. But I see why we don’t trust our bodies because almost everything else is! Sneaky marketing, hidden salts and sugars, empty promises, mindless influencers… you gotta protect yourself from the from the junk.

But your body? It knows what it needs and what makes it perform it’s best. It’s pretty simple man, if you want to feel the best you’ve ever felt, follow these diet rules:

  1. Think about what you want
  2. Make it for yourself
  3. Eat it.
  4. Smile n feel satisfied 😊

And if you have any questions beyond that, feel free to shoot me a message or comment below!

Macadamia Nut Coffee Cake Muffins (Paleo, grain-free, gluten-free, low carb, sugar-free)

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My dearest blogiverse friends, I have something very special to share with you today: a grain-free, gluten-free, sugar-free, low carb, heaven in the mouth, macadamia nut coffee cake muffin.

I know that’s a lot of words. I know it sounds like a tall order. And look, I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that this is a simple “one dirty dish” kind of a recipe. But that’s because we’re not living a one-dirty-dish kind of lives now, are we?

This recipe has evolved from a much-loved macadamia nut coffee cake recipe from my grandma’s health food store The Third Street Market in Park Rapids, Minnesota (look it up, fall in love). After many iterations, many attempts, and many, many failures, we have managed to tweak her original recipe into paleo keto euphoria.  

When you bit into these muffins, you will taste Midwest popover meets crumbly moist coffee cake meets all the tropical and rich flavors of Hawaii. It’s a sunny-day-good-day-worth-the-dirty-dishes-full-of-love type of a muffin. Sweetened only with banana, this high fat, highly caffeinated muffin is the perfect way to start your day with stompach-filling, brain-powering, taste bud-loving fuel. And the bonus secret ingredient? Bone broth. (Yes, I did just drop a superfood. Excuse me for a moment while I bend down to pick it up.)

Another bonus of these muffins is that when you describe the experience of making these to your friends (note: if you share the actual muffins with said friends, you are a better person than I) you will sound fancy af (can you say “banana espresso reduction”?). I can already see the beautiful Instagram captions in your future.

And finally, these muffins will hit you hard with a heavy shot of Vitamin D which means what my friends? Yes. They are a good mood foods <3 So without further ado, let’s get into this

Macadamia Nut Coffee Cake Muffins

paleo, grain-free, gluten-free, sugar-free
Print Recipe Pin Recipe
Prep Time 10 mins
Cook Time 20 mins
Total Time 30 mins
Course Breakfast, Dessert
Cuisine American
Servings 9 muffins

Ingredients
  

Muffins

  • 1/4 cup espresso
  • 1/8 cup ghee (or butter)
  • 2 eggs
  • 1/2 cup mashed bananas (1-2 bananas, depending on size)
  • 3/4 cup almond flour
  • 1/4 tsp baking soda
  • 1 tsp baking powder
  • 1/4 tsp xanthan gum
  • 1 scoop bone broth protein (I used Ancient Nutrition’s Coffee Bone Broth protein)
  • 1/8 cup macadamia nuts (chopped)
  • coconut butter (for topping, optional)
  • shredded coconut (for topping, optional)

Paleo “Fondant” – Scale as needed

  • 1 tbsp ghee or butter
  • 1 tbsp coconut flour
  • 1 tbsp shredded coconut
  • 1 tbsp coconut sugar (optional)

Instructions
 

Muffins

  • Preheat oven to 350F and grease muffin tin.
  • Mash your banana until it is smooth.
  • Boil the espresso on the stove on low heat. This also takes approx. one hot minuto so keep your eyes on it. Once boiling, add ½ c of mashed banana and stir. Turn heat down so that the banana doesn’t burn and let simmer for 7-8 minutes. Take it off the stove and let it cool to room temp.
  • Breathe in that amazing aroma of warm banana and espresso reduction. Toss in a dash of cinnamon if you’re feeling spicy.
  • In a small bowl, mix almond flour, baking soda, baking powder, and bone broth protein. The bone broth protein I used is below. SUBSTITUTION: If you don’t have Ancient Nutrition Coffee Flavor bone broth protein, you can simply go to the store, locate this protein, take it to the cashier, buy it, bring it home, and put it in the muffin recipe because the flavor combo is THE BOMB DIGGITY. (jk you can use any protein or no protein, you do you)
  • Separate the eggs and egg whites. Whip the eggs whites until they form a stiff peak.
  • In a large bowl, cream butter, egg yolks, and banana espresso mixture.
  • With your spatula, fold in half of your flour mixture, then, then the second half of the dry mixture, then the egg whites (I told you it was a touch tedious okay?!)
  • Fold in your mac nuts.
  • Spoon mixture into greased or lined muffin tin and bake for approx 20-25 minutes. I like to top mine with coconut butter and shredded coconut 🙂 Store in the fridge. 

Paleo “Fondant”

  • Combine all ingredients in a small bowl until well integrated (I just use my fingers). Flatten the mixture onto a flat surface and use knifes or cookie cutters to cut fondant into desired shapes. Store in the fridge.

Notes

Because of the espresso, these muffins will look misleadingly dark. Don’t panic and pull them out early! 
Full disclaimer, I live in a shit apartment with a shit oven. When I preheat my oven to 350F, I preheat my kitchen to 350F. Take all my baking times with a grain of salt!
Keyword banana, coconut, coffee cake, gluten-free, grain-free, macadamia nut, muffin, paleo, sugar-free

Coconut Almond Butter Fat Bomb Muffins (paleo, keto, grain-free, gluten-free, sugar-free)

by

Today I am sharing my most secret weapon on the blog. Think superman’s kryptonite. The Kardashian donkey booty. Telsa’s laptop battery. Lupita Ngyong’o’s stylist.

The secret weapon I am referring to here, my friends, is this: my coconut almond-butter muffin fat bombs.

Look, your girl loves a #thick daily dose of fat. Especially in the morning (or whenever I have my first meal of the day), a solid meal of primarily fat leaves me feeling focused, energized, and satisfied.

You know what is a great fatty meal to start the day? Some eggs cooked with some low carb and high fiber veggies. Filling and delish… EASY right?

However, during the 5-days a week that I pretend to be an engineer, this proves to be a challenge for two reasons.

REASON ONE

I’m glad I can get this off my chest right away because look, I’m not proud of what I’m about to say.

I do not have a morning routine.

THERE I SAID IT.

I like to get to work by 6am because I do my best brain work in the morning and my best butt work (hi hip thrusts) in the afternoon, and I think this leads to a common misconception that I am a “morning person”. Or that I require less sleep than the 9AM-ers. But I’m going to be honest with you here: I roll out of bed approximately 10 minutes before I leave my apartment for work.

I love sleep. I live for sleep. Going to bed is my favorite part of my day. And if I must choose between sleep and, well, pretty much anything else, I will almost always choose sleep. When I can crawl into bed at 7pm, I high-five myself for the wild success.

So no, you won’t see an everyday get-ready-with-me routine on my page because it would be a 5-minute video of me scuttling around in the dark like a rabid raccoon, okay? It’s not inspiring. A little scary maybe. Intriguing in the way a car crash can be intriguing. But it’s not inspiring. 

So I think it goes without saying that I just do not have time to make myself a tantalizing veggie omelette before work. And that’s not going to change because it’s just not a priority for me. And that’s OKAY. The best first step to solving your problems is admitting them.

REASON TWO

In the morning, I do not want a savory dish. I want my coffee and a doughnut. Or a muffin. Or a cinnamon roll. Heck, I’ll take a cookie! I don’t discriminate in the baked goods department.

Of course, if you have an internet connection, you know that traditional baked goods are full of sugar and high in carbohydrates, which causes an artificial surge of energy followed by an extreme energy crash. And for a long time, this was how I lived my life. Surging and crashing. I thought that was just the way I was. Mood swings and instantaneous irritability. (My friends and family can also attest to my… wide array… of moods).

Alas, this was NOT the case.

Enter: Almond coconut fat bomb muffins.

Here are my muffins topped with some Greek yogurt, almond butter, and of course, chocolate

I will be sharing a lot of fatty muffin recipes on this site, but these ones have a special place in my heart. They have been curated through literally hundreds of iterations. They’re so easy to make and I almost always have some in my fridge. I love them, C loves them, my grandma loves them, plus they’re paleo, keto, grain-free, gluten-free, and sugar free.

They’re also light, fluffy, and fill up your tummy in a way that a packet of nut-butter just cannot. I typically have 2-3 of these a day and they’re nothing short of a WEAPON when it comes to cubicle cravings. So without further ado, lets get into it.

Coconut Almond Butter Fat Bomb Muffin

Paleo, Keto, Grain-free, Gluten-free, Sugar-free
Print Recipe Pin Recipe
Prep Time 10 mins
Cook Time 13 mins
Total Time 23 mins
Course Breakfast
Cuisine American

Ingredients
  

  • 1/2 cup pumpkin
  • 1/4 cup ghee (melted) (or butter, melted)
  • 4 eggs
  • 1/4 cup almond butter
  • 1/4 cup coconut oil (liquid) (or additional melted ghee)
  • 1/2 cup almond flour
  • 1 tbsp cinnamon
  • 2 tsp baking powder
  • 1/4 tsp baking soda
  • 3 tbsp rice protein (optional)

Instructions
 

  • Preheat oven to 350F and add muffin liners or grease your muffin tin with coconut oil.
  • Combine all dry ingredients in a large bowl.
  • Separate the egg whites and the egg yokes. Whip the egg whites until they form a firm peak. 
  • Combine the egg yokes and the remainder of the wet ingredients in small bowl. Add wet ingredients to the dry ingredients and mix well. 
  • Fold egg whites into your mixture and spoon muffin batter into your tin, until the cups are approx 3/4 full.
  • Bake for about 14 minutes or until an inserted toothpick comes out clean 🙂

Notes

Full disclaimer, I live in a shit apartment with a shit oven. When I preheat my oven to 350F, I preheat my kitchen to 350F. Take all my baking times with a grain of salt!
Keyword almond, breakfast, coconut, easy, gluten-free, grain-free, healthy, keto, low carb, paleo