Dessert

Look, I love and appreciate all three of the macro groups, but you are all probably aware by now that I am a huge proponent of a healthy daily dose of hormone supporting fats. I’m not afraid of carbs and I know that protein is great for muscle growth, but fat just has a special place in my heart. It keeps my blood sugar stable, makes me feel full, supports my hair and my skin, and frankly, it tastes great.

I consider myself a connoisseur of fats. I’ve tried them all. Every form of nut butter, oil, fat packs, avo mouse, coconut oil, keto cup, and seed butter… you name, I’ve probably tried it. People ask me all the time which ones are best but choosing my favorite form of fat is like trying to choose a favorite child because I love and appreciate them all differently.

Well, that is except for one.

Just between you and I, there is one fatty snack that I simply cannot live without. It is the yin to my yang. It’s what I think about when I wake up in the morning and the last thing I long for before I go to bed at night.

And that is FBOMB’s nut butters and oils packets.

I stumbled upon FBOMB totally by chance. C and I ran a RAGNAR with some coworkers last April and someone stuffed the free FBOMB nut butter packets into my backpack when we were hurriedly trying to clean out our van. Nut butter packets were never really my thing, but I also hate to waste food, so I packed them into the glove compartment of my car and forgot about them.

Fast forward to mid-June. Half of California is on fire and it is hotter than hell outside. Yours truly was trapped on the 405 trying to cross El Lay in the heat of the afternoon after a particularly long day spent crawling in and out of bug-infested manholes on a construction site. The fires were definitely not making traffic any better and I was tired, I was sweaty, I was stinky, I was hungry, I was cranky, I wanted to be home, and there was no way in hell I was getting off of the bumper-to-bumper freeway to grab a snack.

In a fit of self-pity and despair, I tore apart the interior of my Volkswagen bug in search of something, ANYTHING, that I could put into my stomach. I dug into the driver’s side door pocket, emptied the piles of napkins and used chap sticks out of the center console, and pulled out every single pair of sunglasses out from the nooks and crannies of the dashboard of the car. But it wasn’t until I flung open the glove compartment and pulled the entirety of its contents out onto the passenger seat next to me that I did find, lo and behold, those bright orange FBOMB macadamia nut butter packets, shining back at me.

As soon as that nut butter hit my taste buds, I knew that I could never go back. The sun shone a little brighter, the colors of the 405 freeway got a little clearer, strangers were smiling in their cars, the birds started singing, a mouse started collecting loose pearls from the ground to sew together my gown for the ball (… or something like that). I’m not trying to be dramatic, but let me tell you, my day TURNED AROUND.

Unfortunately, FBOMBs are not available in stores (at least as of recent in southern California). I try not to order things online, but FBOMBs are an exception. They’re worth it. It’s the first thing I eat every morning I’m at work. They taste AMAZING, the ingredients are so simple, and they prep my stomach for a full day of digesting.

After that life changing day in December, I fell hard for the macadamia nut FBOMB packs. I immediately became a loyal consumer. I really thought I knew what love was… BUT BOY WAS I WRONG. Because soon after I messed up an Amazon order (lol what’s new right) and accidently ordered myself the coconut macadamia nut butter combo packets. I didn’t think I could love FBOMBs any more than I already did. I thought I had it all. I didn’t. I had nothing. Because I didn’t have the coconut macadamia nut flavor.

But LOL this post isn’t even about FBOMBs so can we just move on already??

Inspired by my unfailing love of the flavor of the coconut macadamia nut FBOMB pack, the Macadamia Coconut Donuts were created. Although it PAINED me to put the FBOMB nut butter into the batter and not into my mouth, the reward proved to be worth the heartbreak.

These donuts have the perfect texture and come in at only 7 net carbs per donuts. They are so filling, and the rich macadamia nut flavor goes perfectly with your morning cup of joe. They also have 7 grams of protein, which is nothing to squawk at, and a whopping 21 grams of fat to keep you satisfied all morning long.

When I’m feeling spicy af, I top them with a paleo white chocolate icing that is unbelievably easy to whip up and adds a fun chocolatey flavor to the donuts. But trust me when I say this, these donuts really hold up on their own.

So lets stop talking about FBOMBs (jk I’ll never stop talking about FBOMBs) and get into the recipe!

Usually I like to start a recipe with a good quip, a little insight into the recipe inspiration, or an entertaining story for you folks. However, you will not find any of those options in today’s post.

Because sometimes your girl just wants a chocolate chip cookie.

Nothing fancy. No hidden superfoods or ulterior motives. No witty asides or embarrassing stories from the past. Sometimes I just want my apartment to smell like childhood and I want to bite into and ooey goey fluffy n delish chocolate chip cookie.

So today I give to you exactly that: a paleo, grain-free, gluten-free, low carb chocolate chip cookie that’s guaranteed to scratch that chocolate chip itch without all the extra sugar and grains that typically accompany our favorite classic. These cookies are breakfast friendly, tummy friendly, and are the perfect boost for some mid-day energy with a side of old school comfort. So without further ado, paleo chocolate chip cookie heaven 😊

WARNING: This recipe is for serious chocolate lovers only.

One of my BFF’s, E (not to be confused with C), and I were reminiscing over lunch on the good ol’ days of middle school. TBH there’s a lot to cringe at when we think back to our pubescent years… the low-rider sweatpants, the tiny Coach purses, getting excommunicated from our lunch table for wearing an ugly shirt (to be fair, it was a REALLY ugly shirt but my mom wouldn’t let me buy Abercrombie okay?!), the unbelievably painful interactions with boys, and we shouldn’t breeze by my shining gym class moment—the one time, ONE SINGLE TIME, I hit the softball, only to, bursting with excitement, throw the bat (hard) into the legs of our paraplegic catcher and then proceed to run the bases backward. Perhaps the best part was that our gym teacher felt so bad for me that he let me keep my hit. Quick reminder—there is also a significantly injured (at my hands) paraplegic classmate in the picture who didn’t quite muster the same level of sympathy.

Not only did he let me keep my hit, he let me stay on third base.

Don’t worry though, I was tagged out before scoring a run.

… I made a lot of friends that day.

ANYWAY back to the glory of middle school. Transitioning from boys and girls to men and women. Getting our periods and dropping our balls (get your mind out of the gutter, I’m referring to middle school Grit in gym class). Taking our first steps into adulthood.  And getting to choose what we eat at lunch instead of getting the standardized lunch meals of elementary school past.

In retrospect, I really see where the push for healthier school lunches came from. E and I were very consistent in our choices. A balanced diet of Gatorade, chicken poppers, sour patch kids, and hostess cupcakes.

Ah yes, THE HOSTESS CUPCAKES.

I grew up in a healthy-ish household. My pops in particular would have to be blind and bound before letting anything Hostess into our cupboards. But at school, he had no domain over my hydrogenated oil consumption, and I leveraged this to its maximum capacity.

Flash forward to my lunch with E. After we finished our tacos and our trip down memory lane, I hit the kitchen with a mission. A Hostess cupcake mission.

Look man, I still love the baked goods from middle school past. But traditional baked goods just don’t love me back. Thanks in part to my severely damaged metabolism, the high sugar and carb levels lead me to sugar crashes and serious mood swings. My face breaks out. My inner Mariah Carrey breaks out. It’s just… it’s not good for anyone involved.

So born of my Hostess mission is a healthy look-a-like. A Faux-stess if you will (okay I’m sorry).  A breakfast-friendly, sugar-less, chocolate packed, paleo, keto (3 net carb!), Hostess look-a-like to itch a scratch that would make the 13-year-old versions of us proud.

I love starting my day with these fatty muffins because 1) Chocolate + Coffee = DUH and 2) The fat really preps my day for a full day of digestion. TBH I wasn’t going to post these bad boys for awhile, but I brought these to a work event and so many people asked for the recipe that I decided just to save myself the emails and post it. So by popular demand (MAN I’ve always wanted to say that!) my Faux Hostess Chocolate Coconut Cupcake:

My dearest blogiverse friends, I have something very special to share with you today: a grain-free, gluten-free, sugar-free, low carb, heaven in the mouth, macadamia nut coffee cake muffin.

I know that’s a lot of words. I know it sounds like a tall order. And look, I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that this is a simple “one dirty dish” kind of a recipe. But that’s because we’re not living a one-dirty-dish kind of lives now, are we?

This recipe has evolved from a much-loved macadamia nut coffee cake recipe from my grandma’s health food store The Third Street Market in Park Rapids, Minnesota (look it up, fall in love). After many iterations, many attempts, and many, many failures, we have managed to tweak her original recipe into paleo keto euphoria.  

When you bit into these muffins, you will taste Midwest popover meets crumbly moist coffee cake meets all the tropical and rich flavors of Hawaii. It’s a sunny-day-good-day-worth-the-dirty-dishes-full-of-love type of a muffin. Sweetened only with banana, this high fat, highly caffeinated muffin is the perfect way to start your day with stompach-filling, brain-powering, taste bud-loving fuel. And the bonus secret ingredient? Bone broth. (Yes, I did just drop a superfood. Excuse me for a moment while I bend down to pick it up.)

Another bonus of these muffins is that when you describe the experience of making these to your friends (note: if you share the actual muffins with said friends, you are a better person than I) you will sound fancy af (can you say “banana espresso reduction”?). I can already see the beautiful Instagram captions in your future.

And finally, these muffins will hit you hard with a heavy shot of Vitamin D which means what my friends? Yes. They are a good mood foods <3 So without further ado, let’s get into this